President Mary Mcaleese is said to be delighted that British monarch Elizabeth Winsor has accepted her offer to come to Ireland on an official tax payers sponsored state visit. Now personally I fond the whole scenario quite disgusting and would expect Elizabeth to pay her own bloody way and to give only one speech while here, calling for an immediate end to partition of this island. Are we really going to spend €30 million euro giving this international tax evader a free holiday in Ireland while half a million people are unemployed here?
The recent comments made by our president (who many of us forgot was actually there due to her complete inaction in helping the victims of recession Ireland) did get me thinking however. Is this all part of a clever plan by Mary Mac to reinvent Ireland as a hot tourist destination for rich royals? Is this the beginning of a rebranding of the Republic of Ireland as Ireland World Adventure theme park?
I can see it all now.
Tourists arrive in Dublin airport to be met by Michael O' Leary, dressed as a leprechaun and demanding "extras" for the crap RyanAir flight that they've just endured.
"Yes the flight did cost €3.50 but now you have to pay for the extras. Use of toilet, toilet paper tax, wear and tear of seats, use of oxygen..... that all amounts to €3000. Welcome to Ireland."
After this our VIP tourists will enjoy an authentic Irish Bus journey an IMF owned Dublin city. Bus driver Mary Mitchell O Connor will give the tourists a unique view of Dublin, as she repeatedly gets lost and drives the bus up and down the stairs of the former home of our government, Leinster House, which has since been sold off by Fine Gael and converted into a McDonalds. Tour Guide John O Donoghue will tell our VIP tourists how he built the Dail and most of the city.
After a seventeen hour journey across a pot holed scarred, toll invested post apocalyptic Ireland, our VIP guests will arrive in Kerry, where old carnie, Jackie Healy Rae, will strap them all onto Irelands largest Rollercoaster, the Fianna Fail Express. Our VIPs will be in awe as the crammed car climbs to dizzying heights before reaching Berties Peak. Then their faces will drop as they enter Biffos bend, before plummeting into the abyss of Dingle Bay, which Fine Gael has just sold to Captain Birdseye for an undisclosed fee.
Ireland World of Adventure is taking bookings now. Just contact Mary Mac anytime, day or night. Shes not really doing anything else anyway.
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