Two Gangsters and a Prince

During his visit to Ireland last week, Prince Albert of Monaco had dinner with disgraced on the take TD Michael Lowry and crooked former banker Michael Fingleton.

The dinner was organised by businessman Dr Michael Smurfit, Ireland's Honorary Consul in Monaco, and took place in the K Club, which Dr Smurfit owns. Mr Fingleton, while controlling Irish Nationwide Building Society, gave a loan to Dr Smurfit and property developer Gerry Gannon to purchase the K Club in Co Kildare.

Dr Smurfits position of honorary Consul is under the control of the Department of Foreign Affairs, currently run by Labour leader Eamon Gilmore. Despite claiming he is shocked that this dinner took place, and insisting that it was unofficial, he has made no moves to remove Dr Smurfit from this role or to discipline him for an obvious abuse of power. It seems Mr Gilmore is happy to accept the antics of the Golden Circle. Meanwhile, his labour colleague, Joan Burton, announced that cuts to Children's benefit were likely.

Irelands very own Rat Pack....

One law for them.....One law for you.

Seanie Fitzpatrick raped me - 6 ways to get your own back on them

Seems all the papers are running their "six ways to tighten your belt this recession" articles this week. Why are we tightening our belts? Because a group of greedy, incompetent members of the Irish elite gambled away our future. Maybe instead of tightening our belts, we can first have the enjoyment of revenge. So here it is, 6 ways to your own back on those who caused this recession!

Seanie Fitzpatrick raped me:

It seems that no matter who is in government, Seanie Fitzpatrick, Ireland's biggest thief, is immune from arrest. If we cant get him sent down for his crimes, then maybe we can invent crimes. Is a spell in the sex offenders unit good enough revenge on this man who had caused so much hardship and woe?

Make a fake video of David Drumm slagging off Islam:

Drumm is now living in the states, surely content in the knowledge that he has got off scott free. With a bit of video editing, we can change all that. Lets make David Drumm the number 1 global hate target for fundamentalist Muslims.

Send Brian Cowen to the dog food factory:

Ok so Cowen was thrown in at the deep end when Bertie left, but he was the compliant minister for finance who should have seen this coming and did something to avoid it instead of steering us straight onto the rocks. Verdict: Wouldn't Brian make great dog food?

Send Tony O Reilly into the Sun:

Tony O' Reillys media empire allowed that golden circle to work undisturbed during the tiger years. When his papers should have been exposing the fact that our elite were paying less tax than our work force, Reilly turned a blind eye. He has brought down governments in the past. The problem is he has also kept governments, like Fianna Fail, in power. Hes rich enough to afford one of the new space tourism flights, so all we have to do is divert his shuttle into the sun.

Lowrys on the game again

Give Michael Lowry a sex change op and put him on the game in Bangkok:

Everyone knows that Lowry is the poster boy for corruption on Irish politics. What better person to make an example out of. Since he already likes selling his services to the highest bidder, a life as a Thai prostitute would suit him down to the ground.

Make Bernard McNamara clean the 300,000 empty houses in Ireland....with a toothbrush:

Bernard McNamara was one of the most successful property developers during the boom. He took full advantage of his political connections to further his empire. He can certainly be used as a poster boy for the greed and corruption that was bred from the property blitz. Today there are over 300,000 empty houses in Ireland. This is down to greed, poor planning and bribery. Lets give McNamara a toothbrush and the impossible task of keeping these houses tidy.

Lifeboat Ireland - Golden Circle plan to rip off climate refugees

In todays Indo, theres a piece on global warming which suggests that Ireland might become a lifeboat for people fleeing drought, rising seas and destructive weather in decades to come. According to NUI Maynooth professor Brendan Gleeson, world temperatures will rise by three or four degrees, leaving only a few currently cool 'lifeboat' regions habitable.  "Cities, including in Ireland, can be reconceived as escape rafts during the painful journey to a new climate regime," he said.

Im sure Ireland will welcome this wave of refugees with a cead mile failte, just like we welcomed the migrant workers from Eastern Europe during the Celtic Tiger. Opps, bad example. Of course we'll welcome them. In fact, I bet our elite are already drawing up plans on how best to fleece these poor sods when they arrive.

TOP SECRET MEETING OF GOLDEN CIRCLE

ENDA KENNY: "Ok, listen up. It looks like we're going to have a load of foreigners wanting to set up shop here, so how can we profit from this....as a nation I mean of course haha."

BEN DUNNE: "Who died and made you the boss Kenny?"

ENDA: "How dare you Ben, Im the democratically elected leader of this nation. Now shut your mouth or yu'll be getting no more political favours, you naughty millionare business man you"

TONY O' REILLY: "Everyone knows Im calling the shots here, right? Im the only one of you with a knighthood"

SEANIE FITZPATRICK: "Ok so how are we going to make money out of these peoples misfortune?"

ENDA: "Jaysus Seanie, I thought you bankers would be keeping a low profile after recent events"

DAVID DRUMM: "Seanies right Enda, when theres a profit to be made you have to get stuck in!"

ENDA: "David Drumm! I didnt see you come in"

DRUMM: "Came in through the window. The guards are looking for me so best to avoid the main entrance"

BRENDAN SMITH: "Is there anyway we can sell these lads cheese? Ive got crates of bloody cheedar rotting in me attic!"

ENDA: "Shut up Smith, your not even part of the circle anymore"

BERTIE AHERN: "Yeah, shut your mouth fianna failer! Ive got an idea. Why dont we try and get these guys to invest in a large building project in our capital?"

ENDA: "mmm, it would create employment..."

Welcome to Lifeboat Ireland, commanded by a right bunch
of pirates who will rob you of everything of value

DRUMM: "And we could ignore their workers rights as they're not Irish"

EAMON GILMORE: "Ill make sure the Unions wont help them"

BRENDAN SMITH: "Ill sell them cheese. Building is hungry work."

SEANIE FITZ: "Its a great idea Bertie, but wait a minute, what are we going to build?"

BERTIE: "Ah well in fact ah, I was thinking of a big sports stadium..."

EVERYONE ELSE: "Ah no!"

ENDA: "Sports stadium? Ya bloody chancer Ahern!"

SEANIE FITZ; "I told you before Bertie, the Bertie Bowl is gone. Forget about it."

BERTIE: "Ah jaysus, it could work lads"

MICHAEL LOWRY: "Why are you lads always trying to rip people off? Oh by the way, anyone want to invest in my new Las Vegas casino project in rural tipperary?"