IMF CRIBs

A team of officials from the IMF arrives in Ireland today to review the books at the Department of Finance. What exactly will they find? A department of professionals, who were wronged by an arrogant government? Or a bunch of feckin eejits who sit on their arse all day and blame everyone else for their mistakes?

 

 

"Yo dudes and lassies, its your home man Michael Noonan T to the D here for a special edition of IMF CRIBs. I'm here in a place that's no stranger to all night partying, drug orgies and sodomising... that's right, its government buildings, The Department of Finance section to be exact."

"The IMF have asked me to make a video to show them exactly what they've bought...I mean lent to, so here it is. The Department of Finance is made up of four main sections. First up, the Financial Services Division, or the mental heads as I like to call them. Its their job to deal with policy and legislation on the regulation of the financial services sector and the stability of the financial system. Ha ha ha. Who am I kidding? They're rarely here, and when they are their doing lines of charlie and sodomising each other ha ha ha, cool or what?"

Michael Noonan T to the D

"Next up its the party animals in the Budget Taxation and Economic Division. Hang on, I think I hear them holding another of their famous Keg parties. This is where Brian Lenihan spent most of the last few years, drunk out. These guys deal with overall budgetary policy; economic policy and forecasting; and taxation policy. That's why we made such a balls of it over the last decade. Try putting together a decent tax system when your drinking tequila off the well rounded breasts of a Brazilian prostitute!"

"Next up, its the Sectoral Policy Division. You wont find anyone drunk down here. No sir. They prefer the weed here. Jaysus, its like walking through a bush fire. These lads deal with sectoral policy advice and public expenditure management issues. They also use up half the departments annual budget on munchies. At least there not spending tax payers money on drugs. These guys grow their own on the roof of Leinster House."

"Finally, here we are in my favourite section, Public Services Management and Development. These guys deal with public service pay and conditions. You might have noticed that no one wears clothes in this department. Maybe its because they're free spirits, or maybe its the large, tax payer funded jacuzzi that they've had installed. Anyway, that's me crib you hoes. I'm off for a dip now, so from Minister of Finance Michael Noonan, keep it real dogs...... Hey Johnny, move over and let me in ya fecker."