The greatest little whorehouse in Western Europe



Enda will do anything to pay back the banking debt



Ireland open for business - Kenny

Taoiseach Enda Kenny has today told an audience of business leaders in Washington, DC, that Ireland is open for business and has a strong and stable Government for national recovery.

Mr Kenny, who is in the city ahead of the St Patrick's Day celebrations tomorrow, said the Government "will do what is necessary" to make money, and insisted that everything of value is for sale at low cost price.

During his speech, the Taoiseach said: "I want us to use the spirit and purpose of Patrick to end that long standing western lie that selling the daughters of a nation into sex slavery is wrong."

"Its not really sex slavery anyway," the canny leader stated, "Ill...I mean Ireland will be benefiting from their..ah..sacrifice. I believe this is what the Irish people elected me for. To be Irelands pimp. Iam a real sugar daddy as you can probably tell."

Declaring a renewal was already under way, Mr Kenny said Ireland was already a nation of "whores and slags" and "making them work their booty for the good of the nation" wouldnt be difficult.

The high point of Mr Kenny’s stay in Washington will be a meeting in the Oval Office with President Barack Obama tomorrow and the White House reception tomorrow evening. He is also scheduled to meet some Colombian drug cartel members this evening in a bid to turn Ireland into a major exporter of class A drugs.

"I reckon if I can find a way to get people shitfaced on potatoes we can make Ireland a leading drug exporter," the Taoiseach said. "I have Luke Ming Flanagan locked in a warehouse in Castlebar smoking potatoes. That young man is truly patriotic. He reminds me of a young Garret Fitzgerald."

Meanwhile, Leo Varadkar has been sent to India for St Patricks Day. It is believed that Deputy Varadkar is on a fact finding mission to discover if the Indian caste system could be applied to Ireland.

"Enda has it all worked out," the deputy said, "People from Dublin, members of Fine Gael and anyone who knows the rules to cricket or is a member of a golf club is in the top caste, which will enjoy management priveledge. The bottom class will be made up of people from Limerick, League of Ireland supporters, GAA players, hoodies and SIPTU members. It will be referred to as the 'rat catcher caste'."